Falling in (and out of) Love

I'll be the first to admit that I've never been in a romantic relationship. But I will just as proudly admit that I am a romantic. After reading my share of "young adult" novels I await to be whisked away by my "one true love." And there is that thrill. To meet someone's gaze and share a smile. Wanting to learn everything about them. But I've had these moments before. And they didn't result in a wedding proposal two hours later in typical "romantic-comedy fashion." Which is probably for the best.

Instead, I've created beautiful friendships. In matters of the heart, it's easy to focus on finding "the one." But how often do we stop and think about all the others whom we love? In our seemingly perpetual chase to be accepted and adored by our "other halves," we neglect the ones who have supported us all along. Friendships and familial love are intense. They are, after all, the basis of what we want in a partner. Their unconditional love is what reminds us that devotion and compromise are necessary in all our relationships. Just because they lack that "spark" of romance does not mean that they are lacking.

But lately, I've found myself reflecting on all those moments that made me feel butterflies. Crushing on someone is fun. It really is. You're ridiculously happy sometimes. And needlessly anxious all the other times. And for what? A quick chat during work breaks? A smile and wave on occasion? When I realize that I've put on those rose-tinted glasses again, I find myself quickly disillusioned. I have learned to smile at the nostalgia, cringe at the awkwardness, and move on.

Life would be so much simpler if we were handed everything outlined and highlighted. But it doesn't work that way. At least, not from where I'm standing. I've found that it's best to just trust that what will be will be. And that's gotten me pretty far and kept me fairly sane. Not to mention, happy. Which is the point of it all, I think. 

Leveling Up Friendships

Just to preface this blog post: I am kinda particular about things. My room and desk are not always the neatest (my parents and roommates can attest to this). But so help me if that mess is not aesthetically pleasing...somehow. Days-old paperwork will pile up, but only in a straightened pile. Clothes strewn about will only be tossed onto one designated area. Organized chaos, if you will. Also, if I'm writing something down - in my planner, class notes, or blog entry ;) - there better be uniformity all throughout. No accidentally misplacing a "-" for a ":" or suddenly underlining a vocab term (because guess what? then I have to underline ALL of the vocab terms...) Needless to say, White-Out is one of my favorite things. Unless I didn't write on white paper. Then I just need to start all over again.

With that background, it's safe to say that I like putting things in their place. Defining things, if you prefer. Applying this slightly obsessive aspect of my personality on my social life is as (if not more) convoluted as it seems. Coming from a "gamer" family, my approach to relationships comes down to earning those friendship points and experiencing "special heart events." Becoming friends and maintaining that relationship is as simple as saying hello often and making time for those deep conversations. (The more realistic equivalent to giving a necklace you found in that mine in Harvest Moon)

There are roughly 6 stages of a friendship that I have observed:
1) The "I will acknowledge your presence with a wave or a smile"
2) The "I will say 'hi (insert name if I remember it)' when I see you"
3) The friendly conversation
4) The deep conversation or much needed emotional release
5) The first hug
6) The enthusiastic greeting that is accompanied by a hug  (because now obviously hugging is okay)

After gaining enough experience points to level up through these "heart events", I am  more than comfortable with these friends. It's spectacular. It's as if suddenly, you've unlocked the ability to see someone's full beauty. Really love them for themselves.There are no more reasons to obscure true personalities or whimsies. And that wonderful vulnerability is mutual. Knowing that you can be completely open with someone else is fantastically relieving. No longer do you have to censor or hide parts of yourself.

The worst part about both gaming and life is that sometimes you don't get the "best ending." Your efforts weren't good enough, so you don't get to see an experience's full potential. Whenever I meet someone new, it's interesting to see how our storylines play out. Are we main characters together, or forever meant to be walk-on roles?

Unlike video games, life doesn't give you multiple save files or the ability to pause or start over. This is the one shot we got. So strive for those "best endings." The most rewarding friends and relationships that you may ever have might just be one hug short.

October Showers Bring November Snowflakes?

Here on campus, the change in seasons is obvious from the change in student apparel. Equipped with a classic "Fall Sweater" (preferably knitted), any variety of boots, and an umbrella (because you really never know) we experience brisk mornings, hot afternoons, and freezing evenings. Every morning is a gamble - Is today the day that I believe my computer's weather app? What if it's actually accurate? - usually resulting in wearing way too many layers of clothing.

Thankfully, I live with three other roommates this year whose fashion advice I hold in high regard. The morning is spent walking back and forth checking and double checking the weather. By the time I've actually picked out an outfit, they're usually dressed and I then assess my choices. If 2 or more of them are wearing shorts or skirts, I'm probably overdressed. If it's just the one who notoriously likes cooler temperatures, I'm sticking to my oversized sweater and jeans. It's a beautiful relationship.

The most captivating thing about Autumn (the fancier way of addressing "Fall"), is the gradual change of leaf colors. Suddenly green is "so last season" (badum tscche - get it?) and reds, oranges, and yellows are all the rage. But after taking biology in high school, I can't help but feel a little sad. When leaves aren't green, the little chloroplasts of plants aren't absorbing light as efficiently and the nerd in me gets a little worried. But then I remember good ol' Darwin and his theory. Also, that this happens Every. Year. Over and over. Then I feel a little better. (It's just like the story of Sleeping Beauty - pshh, the trees are still alive, they're just "asleep")

For those of you who don't see Fall as being as traumatic as I do, it's a time for Pumpkin Spiced lattes (or so I'm told), hot apple cider, and picking out Halloween costumes. It's a great little in between season where you're not sweating continuously or uncontrollably shivering. That is, unless you overestimated how hot/cold it really is. 60 degrees is suddenly the all around signal for knit sweaters during the Fall, but in the Spring, we celebrate 50 degrees with shorts. So yes, temperature is often all relative. Unless you're sitting in a two and a half hour long class shivering in your flip flops because central heating is delayed until November. But, hey! That's a lesson learned, eh? Don't take any more two and a half hour long classes. Problem solved.

So leaves changing colors, hot drinks, lots of sweaters - that's all pretty standard. What I never can remember (without fail, it's really kinda sad) is that Fall is a rainy season. And yeah, a little drizzle isn't bad. But thunderstorms that threaten to flip your umbrella inside-out, that's just too much. If you happen to disbelieve your usually untrustworthy weather app and don't bring an umbrella you've got quite the water-slide rollercoaster ahead of you. Just like say, Splash Mountain, you begin the day dry and excited. But as soon as you step outside, you immediately think, "Wow. There is so much more water than I thought there would be." Your classes become the respite between the torrential downpour. Unfortunately, the hour that you've been sitting there drying off is useless because you've gotta get out there and get to your next class!

As a poorly sighted individual, I'm typically wearing glasses. This means that when it's raining and I am left without an umbrella I am staring straight at the ground. Don't wanna get my glasses wet and further impair myself! Unfortunately, this limits my already limited field of vision. Since it's raining everywhere and not from one solitary raincloud above my head, everyone is walking around like this. That's a whole campus-full of people hurrying to get to class with their eyes on the ground. It's basically like an unchoreographed, non-musical interpretative dance with an odd resemblance to a pinball machine. Because people bump into each other. If you didn't get that metaphor.

Anyways, rest uneasily because with Winter around the corner (it's always around the corner when you live in the Midwest) the same behavior is displayed. Raindrops evolve into Snowflakes and what's better at obstructing our sight than umbrellas and staring at the ground? Oversized (faux)fur-lined hoods on our Winter coats and scarves wrapped 3x 'round covering our entire faces. So good luck with not bumping into others during these deceptively festive months, everyone!