Lost in the Summer Blur

Summer is many things. It is sleeping in. Enjoying sunlight and ice cream until 8 o'clock in the evening. Seeing old friends and missing some you've lost touch with. Catching up with family. Reading books for fun until 3 o'clock in the morning. Alternatively, staring at my phone scrolling through Pinterest until 3 o'clock in the morning. In this haze of 80 degree weather, time is split between well-mannered frivolity and laziness. Something about the beautiful weather and lack of commitments lies the perfect breeding grounds for procrastination and stagnation.

Often seen as a chance to refuel and disengage from the hectic demands of the academic year, I feel that Summer is commonly treated as a delusion. A pleasant one. But I see the promise of a 3 month long vacation as a candy-encrusted path to a black hole. Suddenly 2 out of the 3 months have slipped away and I find myself ordering textbooks and buying school supplies in a rush! Not to mention that the monies I worked so hard to earn during the school year have dwindled to nothing thanks to paying off loans and impromptu shopping sprees. Never before have I been so excited to get back to my work study job.

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So those lines above are there to represent how long it took me to get back to writing this post. The sun rose and set as the days passed by to really prove my point. (okay, I exaggerate - it's actually only been 2 days) After I renewed my inspiration to write this, I was frustrated with the absence of my muse. Asking why some sentences flow faster than others assumes that creativity is this vessel you can access on command. But that's not how this works. It's more like sunlight. Constantly present, but not always visible or appreciated. We've all had our cloudy days and seemingly endless nights. Despite this, I'm really trying to keep writing - if for my sake only. For now, I'm only really sure that I'm the only one reading this blog (if you're there, friends, please leave a comment!). And that's fine - being satisfied with sifting through my thoughts alone and all that. :)

Speaking of being left alone to ponder life - Summer is the prime time for deep thoughts and conversations. (nice segue back to the main topic, I know ;) ) Especially after leaving for college in the city, the return to my small town home is painted with a new palette of experiences. The difference between "knowing" that there is more to the world and actually having that fact resonate with you is a subtle, but important one. And I know that there's still so much I don't know. I'm only 19. Of course I'm barely scratching the surface on what life has to offer. But being cognizant of my travels through this blog and journal entries (it's a diary if I'm being honest, haha) helps process through the day to day.

Daily happenings don't seem to account for much in the "grand scheme of things", but in actuality, they do. Your today shapes your tomorrow. And every yesterday used to be your today. So "carpe diem"! (Whoo Latin!) Here's hoping I take my own advice.